A Day Filled with Emotions

Yesterday was quite a day.

Ellisa and I had an appointment with the Pediatrician in the morning. We went in for a weight check since she’s been having a hard time taking her bottle. I swore she had gained weight since she was looking fatter to me, but unfortunately she had only gained 2 oz. in 3 weeks! Doth my eyes deceive me? It could have been worse, so I wasn’t as devastated as I thought I would be. My expectations for her seem to be going down. Yes, I’m disappointed in myself for not pushing her harder. But you can’t force a child to drink. These questions still surround me on a daily basis: What can I do more? Is it me or her? Why doesn’t she want to eat? Is it neurological? And on and on…

Yeah, so I was in a bit of a sour mood most of the morning.

Then Hudson started walking! We were all (me, the twins, and Black Paw) hanging out in the cage before their second nap and he was leaning up against his “work station” when he pivoted toward me and took two tiny steps forward. Then he squatted down for about 2 seconds, stood back up, and took 4 more slow and controlled steps forward. He never once touched his hands to the ground. Then down he went. I was so excited. I couldn’t believe he was already walking! He’s 10.5 months this week but his corrected age is 8 months. Go Hud!!!

Later that night: This is the first time we caught him walking on video. 

Later that night: This is the second time we caught him walking on video. I like how he takes two steps with each foot to keep his balance.  

To be honest, I don’t think I was as excited as I would have been if Ellisa wasn’t in the back of my mind. I think that’s one thing that gets to me. It seems like truly enjoying your twin’s achievements are somewhat diminished when you have worries about one of them having developmental delays. And what is silly is that no set of twins are going to develop at the exact same rate. So why can’t I just accept them for who they are? Brain damaged or not.

While they were down for their second nap I started reading a blog my friend recommended, www.outrageousfortune.net, about a mom who is dealing with twins, one of which has CP. What an honest and strong woman. A great writer too. Some of her posts made me cry as I felt exactly the same way she did. I’m constantly amazed by women dealing with these unfortunate circumstances. There’s more of us than people know.

After dinner with the twins, I got ready–meaning threw on a clean t-shirt, brushed my teeth, re-tied my hair back, and threw on some mascara–to meet up with a preemie moms group. Boy was that nice to meet some other moms with similar issues! Not only that, but just to get out of the house for a bit in a normal environment felt great. I was reminded that things could be worse and I’m doing all I can for my babies. I’m grateful for what I’ve been given.

I tell you, it was a day filled with emotions.

3 Responses to “A Day Filled with Emotions”
  1. Joseph says:

    Congrats to Hudson for joining the ranks of Homo Erectus! Elissa will be chasing him soon enough.

  2. Sarah says:

    You’re doing an amazing job!

  3. I started clapping when I saw the first step and Gabe ran over to my computer to watch. We are both so excited for you!

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